Why then, do I still feel stuck?

I suppose in order to keep my sanity intact I should really be writing much more. It seems that although life was on the upswing momentarily.. I still find myself feeling at a loss.

Let me recap what has happened since my last post:
That wonderful friend who had been upset surprisingly came to our annual New Years Eve party. We did not expect this, yet extended the invitation anyway to show that we would actually like to begin patching up our friendship. However, neither myself or she initiated conversation - except to other people. And a frightful 48 hours later I received a text message that has since gone down in history on my facebook page as she ended our friendship. Oh goodness.

On a MUCH brighter note... before that happened I became the luckiest woman in the world! Matt and I are engaged and happily planning a wedding that will take place this summer. Yay! =)

You must be thinking, how could I possibly still feel stuck in a rut when this was what I wanted so badly? I wonder the same thing. And have realized that it is because I think I truly was depressed over the past several months. Not the kind I could easily work myself out of. The kind that holds you down, doesn't let you feel the right reactions and whatnot. Why don't I get help? Probably because I'm crazy. But mostly because it isn't affecting my relationships with those around me. This tells me I have somewhat of a hold on it.. whether or not that hold will last is a completely different question. I am overly emotional - although, in my defense I have covered some sensitive ground lately. I also have been working much, much more than I had been before Christmas.

I am hoping that I just had a long Christmas break with too many people in a too tiny apartment. Maybe now that I have had time to breathe, time to book a wedding venue and time to spend simply doing nothing with my fiance that I will return to normal once again. I am continually finding every time I write here that this blog changes what it becomes to me. I suppose this is a place where I can share ALL those thoughts in my head. Not only the depressing ones, but the joyous ones, the curious ones as well. I suppose this is a place for wishes, dreams and determination. I would like so badly to develop a routine. I know I am very much a routine kind of person. So it would only make sense that if I could develop a routine for my daily life activities I could be a much more settled, comfortable individual. The problem with this is..... life. Life is never so simple. And lately I don't have much follow through.